First of all, before I start with this brief story and contemplation, I want to make it clear that I am in no way wanting to be offensive to anyone, whether you be a single parent, a single person, or someone in a committed relationship... well, I might want to be a little offensive to people who abandon children in any way, but that is a different blog post altogether. All in all, this is MY experience dealing with a week of time spent as not only the main caregiver, but the only caregiver for our little boy, something that taught me a great deal!
Rose has performed at the Hostfest in Minot, North Dakota for over 10 years. Her roles have changed from Astrid Lindgren's heroine Pippi Longstocking to a tomte (Scandinavian elf), to a seven foot tall troll, to a short old woman troll. Pretty cool stuff if you ask me; it has been a mainstay of her income as a performer year after year. This year was no different and she has returned re-invigorated to begin again in the world of story, this time by leading writing workshops and doing personal coaching. Check out the link to see her upcoming retreats!
She left on a Saturday, during Ennis's nap, so when he woke up it was all guy time from that point onward... We spent days in our underwear eating chips and watching movies, burping whenever we felt the need and only getting up to use the bathroom...
Just kidding.
While Rose was gone I was acting as the sole manager of the hotel, which turned out just fine in the end, but had its moments of angst mainly because when I wanted to move quickly I had to remember that there was a 2.5 year old tagging behind me. I worked my full share of hours during that week and I think that Ennis wasn't dramatically scarred from working with me (whoofta! Now I have to try not to scar him in other ways...). I helped out with a significant amount of the work that needed to be done, namely housekeeping and laundry... He was a tremendous helper. We would sit down at the beginning of the day and I would explain to him what we would be doing, he would acknowledge, and we would go out and do it. It was magic really. Ennis would jump on one bed while I was making the other and would help me by carrying the carefully tied shut bags of garbage down the hallway. I did my managerial duties either during his naps or after he went to bed, making the workday significantly longer and drawn out, but actually not that much more tiring. I made sure that we had time to go for walks, read a lot of books, play at the playground, really not at the expense of too much of my work time. Personal "me" time got pretty squished though... Part of how I accommodated this crunch on time was taking on several projects in our apartment that have been waiting... oh, 6 months at least to be done. I painted our kitchen, bathroom, and bedroom. I removed the crappy old dishwasher from the kitchen and made a recycling nook. I replaced all of the towel racks and such in the bathroom and did a few other "tidying" things. I also found time to touch up the paint on my truck, install a paint-on bedliner (which actually turned out really well!), singled out many items from my life that I am going to downsize, made candles, and cooked a ridiculous amount of food (including a turkey, so many waffles that there still are some in the freezer, and enough stew to feed a small gathering of people who REALLY like stew...). I enjoyed being the only person to be really interacting with Ennis and giving him instruction/information. He listened well and asked fun questions and surprised me with his pleasant independence.
This all sound extremely peachy-keen, but there were a few parts of it that made me swallow hard in a comically cartoon-ey fashion. One of my co-workers kept making comments about how Ennis didn't have anyone to take care of him now and kept giving him candy... That was really annoying. Also, it seems that when a man is the sole provider for a child that is seen VERY differently than if it is a woman. It was almost like people were feeling sorry for me even though I was having a great time! That was an interesting and unexpected reaction... Any thoughts on this one?
The other things was that I realized I was doing this for ONE WEEK and had Rose coming back to share the experience again. People who are single parents do not have that privilege. They may employ daycare or babysitters so they can go out and have a life or just get some work done, but by and large... they are the one accountable for just about everything. That thought made me shudder and made me almost GLOW with respect for single parents who make it work and raise their children to be well-adjusted adults. These people are un-sung heroes of the highest regard and for those of you out there that may be reading this, I tip my hat to you!
It also made me appreciate the system of parenting that nature and society have raised up. They say it takes a village to raise a child and I wouldn't necessarily agree, but I wouldn't disagree. A village of involved, invested, loving, and consistent people could certainly raise a child well, but all that we really need is 2. Two people, I think, is the minimum to make raising a child easy and safe for everyone (note that I do not specify the gender of either of the parents... this, I feel, isn't very important, but having two dedicated, loving parents is very, very important), especially the child.
So, what about the parents that don't stick around either physically or emotionally? Well, we all know that this is a great big sticky ball of wax and we all have our own specific feelings about it, but I will touch on it briefly with this frank message:
If I can teach Ennis to keep it in his pants until he both understands and desires ALL of the results of sex, I will consider myself a decent parent.
*I don't want to preach about this because I know that there are quite a few really great parents out there who stumbled into parenthood, but that have fallen in love with it, but I stand by my statement. I had no idea what I was getting into until the moment that Ennis was born. When I saw him for the first time something switched inside of me and I knew that I was a father, for once and for all.
Recently I had a friend send me a message inquiring about good books on fatherhood. I couldn't think of any because when I did the search for good books on fatherhood I couldn't find any either! In the conversation that resulted from his question several ideas about fatherhood came out though:
1. If you are looking for books on how to be a good dad, you probably will be one with or without the books.
2. Explaining fatherhood to a man is NOTHING like explaining motherhood to a mother. (We don't listen in the same way about the subject.)
3. Mothers get about 9 months to get acquainted very intimately with the little one, fathers don't get that physical connection until they are born.
4. The experience of becoming a father is completely different for every man although there are some things that are universal.
Perhaps I will write a book on fatherhood... or at least about the experience of becoming a father. If you know any good dads, let me know so I can set up some interviews!
I know that my experience as a "single" parent is really in no way valid or even that impressive, but it yielded great insights to me and hopefully it will yield something else that will help to support other parents out there. Parenting is the most important business that we can involve ourselves in and anything that I can do to encourage people to involve themselves in it I will do!
Rose has performed at the Hostfest in Minot, North Dakota for over 10 years. Her roles have changed from Astrid Lindgren's heroine Pippi Longstocking to a tomte (Scandinavian elf), to a seven foot tall troll, to a short old woman troll. Pretty cool stuff if you ask me; it has been a mainstay of her income as a performer year after year. This year was no different and she has returned re-invigorated to begin again in the world of story, this time by leading writing workshops and doing personal coaching. Check out the link to see her upcoming retreats!She left on a Saturday, during Ennis's nap, so when he woke up it was all guy time from that point onward... We spent days in our underwear eating chips and watching movies, burping whenever we felt the need and only getting up to use the bathroom...
Just kidding.
While Rose was gone I was acting as the sole manager of the hotel, which turned out just fine in the end, but had its moments of angst mainly because when I wanted to move quickly I had to remember that there was a 2.5 year old tagging behind me. I worked my full share of hours during that week and I think that Ennis wasn't dramatically scarred from working with me (whoofta! Now I have to try not to scar him in other ways...). I helped out with a significant amount of the work that needed to be done, namely housekeeping and laundry... He was a tremendous helper. We would sit down at the beginning of the day and I would explain to him what we would be doing, he would acknowledge, and we would go out and do it. It was magic really. Ennis would jump on one bed while I was making the other and would help me by carrying the carefully tied shut bags of garbage down the hallway. I did my managerial duties either during his naps or after he went to bed, making the workday significantly longer and drawn out, but actually not that much more tiring. I made sure that we had time to go for walks, read a lot of books, play at the playground, really not at the expense of too much of my work time. Personal "me" time got pretty squished though... Part of how I accommodated this crunch on time was taking on several projects in our apartment that have been waiting... oh, 6 months at least to be done. I painted our kitchen, bathroom, and bedroom. I removed the crappy old dishwasher from the kitchen and made a recycling nook. I replaced all of the towel racks and such in the bathroom and did a few other "tidying" things. I also found time to touch up the paint on my truck, install a paint-on bedliner (which actually turned out really well!), singled out many items from my life that I am going to downsize, made candles, and cooked a ridiculous amount of food (including a turkey, so many waffles that there still are some in the freezer, and enough stew to feed a small gathering of people who REALLY like stew...). I enjoyed being the only person to be really interacting with Ennis and giving him instruction/information. He listened well and asked fun questions and surprised me with his pleasant independence.
This all sound extremely peachy-keen, but there were a few parts of it that made me swallow hard in a comically cartoon-ey fashion. One of my co-workers kept making comments about how Ennis didn't have anyone to take care of him now and kept giving him candy... That was really annoying. Also, it seems that when a man is the sole provider for a child that is seen VERY differently than if it is a woman. It was almost like people were feeling sorry for me even though I was having a great time! That was an interesting and unexpected reaction... Any thoughts on this one?
The other things was that I realized I was doing this for ONE WEEK and had Rose coming back to share the experience again. People who are single parents do not have that privilege. They may employ daycare or babysitters so they can go out and have a life or just get some work done, but by and large... they are the one accountable for just about everything. That thought made me shudder and made me almost GLOW with respect for single parents who make it work and raise their children to be well-adjusted adults. These people are un-sung heroes of the highest regard and for those of you out there that may be reading this, I tip my hat to you!
It also made me appreciate the system of parenting that nature and society have raised up. They say it takes a village to raise a child and I wouldn't necessarily agree, but I wouldn't disagree. A village of involved, invested, loving, and consistent people could certainly raise a child well, but all that we really need is 2. Two people, I think, is the minimum to make raising a child easy and safe for everyone (note that I do not specify the gender of either of the parents... this, I feel, isn't very important, but having two dedicated, loving parents is very, very important), especially the child.
So, what about the parents that don't stick around either physically or emotionally? Well, we all know that this is a great big sticky ball of wax and we all have our own specific feelings about it, but I will touch on it briefly with this frank message:
If I can teach Ennis to keep it in his pants until he both understands and desires ALL of the results of sex, I will consider myself a decent parent.
*I don't want to preach about this because I know that there are quite a few really great parents out there who stumbled into parenthood, but that have fallen in love with it, but I stand by my statement. I had no idea what I was getting into until the moment that Ennis was born. When I saw him for the first time something switched inside of me and I knew that I was a father, for once and for all.
Recently I had a friend send me a message inquiring about good books on fatherhood. I couldn't think of any because when I did the search for good books on fatherhood I couldn't find any either! In the conversation that resulted from his question several ideas about fatherhood came out though:
1. If you are looking for books on how to be a good dad, you probably will be one with or without the books.
2. Explaining fatherhood to a man is NOTHING like explaining motherhood to a mother. (We don't listen in the same way about the subject.)
3. Mothers get about 9 months to get acquainted very intimately with the little one, fathers don't get that physical connection until they are born.
4. The experience of becoming a father is completely different for every man although there are some things that are universal.
Perhaps I will write a book on fatherhood... or at least about the experience of becoming a father. If you know any good dads, let me know so I can set up some interviews!
I know that my experience as a "single" parent is really in no way valid or even that impressive, but it yielded great insights to me and hopefully it will yield something else that will help to support other parents out there. Parenting is the most important business that we can involve ourselves in and anything that I can do to encourage people to involve themselves in it I will do!
